MANILA, Philippines -- Nowadays, the taboo on dating monsters seems to be loosening up. And who can blame us? We've got vampires that sparkle, werewolves with ripped abs and a convenient disregard for proper clothing, and nymphette demons just waiting for another sexual conquest. Even half-breeds are fantastically beautiful creatures in their shiny, leather bodysuits that leave little to the imagination. With monsters this sexy, it's easy to see why it's becoming more and more acceptable to date a monster.
But of all the popular monsters out there, there is one who doesn't seem to be getting any. It's been more than two hundred years and this guy's never even been on a date; which is a shame, considering he is perhaps the sweetest, most sincere monster out there. So here are the top ten reasons why Frankenstein's monster would make the perfect date.
We all love a man with a little mystery. You can call him M, for Monster or Mr. C, as in Creature. In fact, you can call him whatever you like because Frankenstein's monster doesn't have a name.
The name Frankenstein, or rather, Dr. Victor Frankenstein, belongs to the man who created the monster. It's a common mistake to confuse the name of creator with created. But it is also a correct mistake. Man and monster have a strange, symbiotic relationship, acting like a twisted mirror of one another.
When the monster confronts Dr. Frankenstein, he calls himself "the Adam of your labors," referring to the first man created by God. But, unlike Adam, the monster is unloved, cast off and immediately abandoned. His "father" hates him and wants only to destroy him. At the same, the monster blames him for his birth, having never asked to be made in the first place. "I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel, whom thou drivest from joy for no misdeed...I was benevolent, my soul glowed with love and humanity; but am I not alone, miserably alone?"
The monster goes nameless his entire life. Instead he is called cruel names like vile insect, demon, or abhorred devil. Only once is the monster treated kindly and called a man and a friend. (And that's because he was talking to an old blind man.)
He's the man of your dreams. Or rather, he's the man of Mary Shelley's dreams. The image of man and monster first came to author Mary Shelley in a waking dream one moonlit evening.
As Shelley writes in her introduction to the story, "I saw the pale student of unhallowed arts kneeling beside the thing he had put together...He sleeps; but he is awakened; he opens his eyes; behold the horrid thing stands at his bedside, opening his curtains and looking on him with yellow, watery, but speculative eyes."
This was no random dream come to haunt Mary Shelley. What it really was was an answer to a literary challenge proposed by her friend, Lord Byron.
That summer of 1816, the 18-year-old Mary had gone to Switzerland on holiday with her lover and future husband, the poet Percy Bysshe Shelley. There, they met and spent much time with the famous playboy poet Lord Byron and his friend and physican, Dr. John Polidori.
During those unusually rainy months, the four friends were forced to stay indoors and amuse themselves by reading books and ghost stories aloud to one another. It was Lord Byron who had the idea of each of them coming up with their own ghost stories as a game to while away the boredom. Soon, everyone had a story in mind except for Mary.
"I busied myself to think of a story...One which would speak to the mysterious fears of our nature and awaken thrilling horror-one to make the reader dread to look around, to curdle the blood, and quicken the beatings of the heart."
Sure enough, after days and days of wracking her brain, the answer came to her in what has been called the most famous dream in literary history.
He's a famous movie star. Two hundred years since Mary Shelley's dream, Frankenstein is one of the most famous names and faces in the world, both on-screen and off screen.
The monster has starred as himself in countless films, stage-plays, and television series. The first film to ever adapt the novel was produced by Thomas Edison (as in the man who invented the light bulb) in the year 1910.
Of the many adaptations done, there are two that I think are the most faithful to the monster's true character. First is the 1931 Universal Studios film starring Boris Karloff as the Monster, and second is the 2004 Hallmark Channel movie with British musician Luke Goss as the Creature.
The films are vastly different in the way they portray Frankenstein's monster. The 1931 version invented the caricature monster we all know with the square-top head, shuffling gait,and bolted neck. Come 2004, the monster is given a face of near-beauty with high cheekbones and flowing black locks, marred only by the fact that his skin is a sickly, sallow shade of yellow-gray. In a way, this near-beauty makes the character even more tragic and abominable at the same time.
However, despite their differences, both films give back the innocence of Frankenstein's monster and you understand why he was driven to commit the crimes that he did.
Besides, we all like a little bad boy streak. As long as we know they're on our side, it's nice to have a personal bodyguard of sorts. Standing eight feet tall and unusually strong, Frankenstein's monster will gladly protect those that he loves.
He's a kind soul. For example, he helped a poor, struggling family by secretly chopping firewood for them every night and he stopped stealing food when he realized it was wrong.
And he's a vegetarian and an animal-lover. As the creature says in his own words, "My food is not that of man; I do not destroy the lamb and the kid to glut my appetite; acorns and berries afford me sufficient nourishment."
He'll never cheat on you and he doesn't have a type. The great thing about this guy is that he doesn't have a type. In the infinite spectrum of what a woman can look like, Mr. C has no personal preferences other than that his partner be female. But if he ever put out a personal ad, it would probably go like this:
Single white male, 8", flowing black locks, strong yet sensitive, reads poetry like Milton's Paradise Lost, can discuss philosophy and the meaning of life. Desperately seeking love and companionship, LTR with SF, any type, can live simple life in isolated region with cryogenic temperatures, i.e. Arctic zone, has experience in stitching together limbs and human flesh, not concerned with looks, body odor, or place and manner of birth. Make me yours! luvmonster@yahoo.com
You'll always have chemistry. Seeing as the monster came from a lab experiment, there's bound to be some chemistry between the two of you. Other than stating that Frankenstein is a student of chemistry, Mary Shelley never actually describes the process of how Frankenstein creates his monster. But then again, she doesn't need to. Hollywood and other adaptations have done more than enough to fill in the blanks, from lightning rods and solar panels, to chemical vats and coffin-shaped pressure cookers filled with smuggled amniotic fluid. Sometimes, the less details, the better.
He's got a good heart. Not to mention other body parts. But metaphorically speaking, Frankenstein's monster is a good person. A pure innocent at his birth, Frankenstein's monster never meant to harm anyone. As he says, "If any felt emotions of benevolence towards me, I should return them a hundred and a hundredfold; for that one creature's sake I would make peace with the whole kind."
All he needs is a chance. Because all he wants is a little love. Frankenstein's monster may just be the most sincere person you'll ever meet. Guileless and unable to lie, he won't play games with someone else's heart. All he wants is to love and to be loved. And really, isn't that something we all want?
Any suggestions? Email me at saradumaup@yahoo.com.
